WLS Headquarters is a comical narrative of the daily occurances at the WLS Headquarters. If you have any ideas, just edit them in or comment them. Feel free to write your own segments, jokes, or whatever you want.
"If I could escape -escape-
And recreate a place that's my own world -own world-
I could be your favorite girl -forever-
Now tell me boy now wouldn't it be sweet?"
I woke up to my custom alarm, and boy was I ready for my first day of work! The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and I smelled a hint of lilac in the air. I decided to walk to the White Lotus Sentinel Headquarters.
Perhaps I was optimistic, or maybe I was simply naive. Nowadays people wait in traffic, settle into routine, and feel reluctant to get out of bed to go to work. I hoped I would never become one of those people while working for the WLS. Deep down I knew I'd never really get tired of writing articles and working with the other editors. It's just what I like to do, so while I was admittedly nervous, my excitement far outweighed any hesitance.
I entered through the revolving doors, tempted to spin around a couple times, and made my way past the fountain in the main lobby. Recently, the WLS headquarters underwent a few rennovations, including new vending machines, cafeteria, employee lounge, and even a courtyard to take strolls during break. Of course work came first, so I wore my favorite tie and jacket; I had to look official for my first day on the job.
My office was pretty nice, fit with a computer, desk, swivel chair, all the necesities. It lacked a mini-fridge, though. I made a mental note to address that problem later. I figured later I'd bring in some other stuff to brighten it up. After organizing my files and workspace, I decided to go greet my fellow co-workers.
"Good morning everybody!" I said cheefully.
AvatarRokusGhost popped out from his office.
"SHHHHH." He whispered, "Minnichi is sleeping."
"What?" I said, "I've never heard of such a thing."
He pointed over to the adjacent office, and sure enough Minnichi slept at her desk with a drawing tablet, keychains, and what looked to be a Dai Li pillow. She began stirring and murmuring under her breath, "Mhmmshh ...Line wars .... mhhnm ....hello Mr. Rocks .... the Earth King *yawn* has invited you to Lake Laogai."
I respected Minnichi so much for her dedication to the fanon portal, whether it be as an author, editor, or reviewer. For that reason, I couldn't wait to work with her. She's also a really interesting person to talk to. Just don't hate on the Dai Li or bring up Zutara on fanfiction.net lest a rant will ensue.
"She's been up all night working productively and not procrastinating," said AvatarRokusGhost.
Before I could even respond, a screech of burning rubber and the rev of an engine sounded outside the headquarters. I looked outside the office window to see Omashu Rocks slam the door of a poorly parked Ford F-150 with a Romney bumper sticker. He stumbled across the sidewalk and took a long, hard look at the revolving door.
Omashu Rocks, also known as OR (for the sake of brevity), is one of the most goal oriented contributers and a really outstanding editor. He took the WLS and brought it to the next level with his determination. He also has a tendency to create spontaneous political debates with his presence.
"Omashu Rocks always comes into work drunk on Mondays," said AvatarRokusGhost.
The Head Editor walked into the office, his shirt un-tucked. He looked at me and squinted.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"Uhhh I'm Ty. I'm the new Deputy Editor," I answered.
"Right, right. I completely forgot about that. Wow, that was some party last night," he said.
I got the feeling he may have brought up the "party" because he was too embarassed to admit he was up all night in his room listening to Taylor Swift and reading up on foreign policy.
Then, Omashu Rocks poured himself a cup of coffee, downed it, and poured himself another. As he sipped his second cup, he glanced over at the calender. Then, his eyes widened and he spit out the coffee in a spray.
"Hey people!" he exclaimed, "We have an article due tomorrow morning! Let's try to get this one out on time! I need to do a better job of telling you guys in advance next time."
AvatarRokusGhost turned to me, "He says that every week."
This was true. Even with deadlines, the WLS always found ways to fail to meet them. Each night before an issue, the employees frantically rushed about, doing anything they could to piece together any excuse for an article. Around 4 A.M the issue was complete: Print and publish.
"What do we do now?" I asked.
He shrugged, "I don't know, but I have to go give a speech at the Most Popular Authors' Convention. See ya Ty." Then, he left through the revolving doors and stepped onto a palanquin.
AvatarRokusGhost, also known as ARG (at least in my mind), had a lot of duties besides working for the WLS. In a way, he was an embassador for all things fanon and a hero in the eyes of many. He also is pretty good at trivia, almost better than me, but not quite.
With that, I stood alone in the middle of the office, very puzzled by the situation. It was me and two half-conscious co-workers. I wondered if we would ever finish an issue on time. My first day on the job already started, but it wasn't at all what I thought it would be like. Well, I might as well start by writing some kind of article.
Will the WLS Staff ever get their act together? What happens when Minnichi wakes up? What kind of shenanigans will happen next time in the WLS Headquarters? These questions and more will be answered in the next issue! (whenever that is)
WLS Headquarters: The Line War
Before I ever joined the staff, I always read the actual newsletter. Mostly I enjoyed reading up on the newest fanons and urban dictionary entries. Of course there was always that recurring joke of a "Line War" between Minnichi and Omashu Rocks. To be honest, I never really understood what the whole dilemma was about. I knew it had something to do with the coding of the page, the separations lines or something like that. Either way, I always thought it was just a funny little gag between the staff. I've never been so wrong in my life.
Omashu Rocks looked over the last revisions to the newest issue. After he finished sweeping for the last bits of grammar and punctuation, he said, "Alright, it looks good enough for me. I think it's time to publish."
"Let me see that," Minnichi snatched the issue out of his hands.
The girl in the Dai Li uniform flipped through the pages, then handed it back to Omashu Rocks.
"All the articles are fine, but the coding isn't finished yet," she said.
"What do you mean? All the headings, colors, pictures, everything is there!"
"You forgot to add in the dotted divider lines," said Minnichi.
Omashu Rocks folded the issue the issue and slapped it on his desk.
"I didn't forget. I specifically chose not to include that code."
He took a swig from his cup of coffee and continued, "It looks just fine with solid lines, and quite frankly, there's no need for the dotted line code."
Minnichi folded her arms and roller her eyes, "That's not the reason. You're just too lazy to actually learn the code. Every single WLS Editor has learned that code in the past."
"Well, you know what I think? All of those people wasted their time when they could've been doing something more productive."
Minnichi threw up her arms, "You are so infuriating! You are stubborn, arrogant, and refuse to change because you think you're always right."
"Typical Republican," she muttered under her breath.
"Let's not make this into a political contest. For that, we would need two actual candidates. In this case, you don't really make a good point. Actually, you really don't make any sense at all," said Omashu Rocks cooly.
Minnichi sighed, "If you are so dedicated, and if you are such a hard-worker, then why can't you just take the time to learn the code. It isn't even a hard code! That's all I'm trying to say."
"Yea, well I don't really feel like it."
"So what? You're just going to ignore me? I'm a part of this organization just as much as you, and you should consider taking my advice for once."
Omashu Rocks laughed.
"Why are you laughing? What is so funny about this situation?"
"I laugh because you're the one who should be asking for MY advice. Take a chill pill, and stop wearing such ridiculous clothing all the time. This is an office, not a temple."
Minnichi went deathly silent.
"That crosses the line," she said.
"Whatever. As long as it's a solid line, I'm fine," Omashu Rocks thought he was funny, but Minnichi thought otherwise.
"I have to take crap like this from you on a daily basis, and I am sick and tired of it," Minnichi drew a gleaming sword from a secret compartment in her sleeve. As a spectator, I didn't think it was physically possible for her to conceal a sword in her sleeve as it didn't make much logical sense. I guess Dai Li uniforms are good for stuff like that.
"Oh I see how it is then," said Omashu, accepting the challenge.
He sifted through his briefcase and pulled out a white ivory sword, symbolic of the Republican Party.
"I'm about to excercise my right to bear arms," said Omashu Rocks.
"That's cute," said Minnichi.
Then, they charged. Ivory met steel in a flurry of thrusts and jabs. Each editor dodging and returning blows. Each time Omashu Rocks tried to get the upperhand, Minnichi responded, and every time Miinnichi tried to surprise him, Omashu Rocks was a step ahead. The two adversaries were evenly matched, locked in a battle of strategy, a War of the Lines.
I watched, half spellbound, half mortified, by the battle. I didn't know whether or not to try and stop them. If I got to close I was afraid I would lose my head. I also hated to watch them fight when they should be working together.
Then my phone started buzzing in my pocket. I answered.
"Hello?" I said.
"Oh hey Mario, I'll have the usual: Double cheese, double olives, and I'll also get a large plain thin crust."
"ARG, is that you?"
"Yea, you got my order right? I'll be over in 20 minutes to pick it up."
"Wait..what?! I'm not a pizza guy, this is Ty."
"Oh, my bad Ty. I must've dialed the wrong number. Sorry about that."
AvatarRokusGhost hung up.
I turned my attention back to the two sparring editors. Their swords were locked together, and sparks flew as they pushed.
"Give in already!"
This fight had gone on for long enough. I closed my eyes and focused my mind. Taking deep breaths, I felt wind and water coursing through my veins, and I began to levivate.
The two editors momentarily stopped fighting.
"What is that noise?" said Omashu Rocks.
"I have no idea, but it doesn't sound good."
It was too late for them. I unleashed the power of the typoon. Wind and water ripped through the office, obliterating everything. Omashu Rocks and Minnichi gasped at the destruction and began an all out sprint to the door. They barely made it out in time.
"Forget about the line war. We have a new problem to deal with," said Omashu Rocks.
"Will Ty be fired for destroying the office? Is the line war over? Does this actually happen in the real WLS Headquarters? Will AvatarRokusGhost ever get his pizza? These questions and more will be answered in the next installment of WLS Headquarters.